| Auntie Marge:- A problem shared. | |||||||||||||||||
| a problem shared makes the person who you told feel better! |
Marge Evans is a typical old Welsh lady, she will give advice on any topic you should choose. As a word of warning this page is for fun. And should in no way be taken as a serious forum for problems. If you have a serious problem get professional help but if you just need a bit of a laugh sit back and relax. Feel free to send me your problems. | ||||||||||||||||
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Dear Auntie Marge Please can you help me with my problem? I am around the area of age, which is between 25 and 45 and I have a problem, which does bother me a great deal. I cannot wear Bikini's, swimsuits or other lovely summer stuff people wear. It's all down to my underarm hair, please don't laugh at this. It's been since I was a teenager, and the other kiddies used to laugh much at me. You see there's rather a lot of it, and it's totally black, and I am totally blonde and very fair. I can cut it and it grows back to full length in a week, full length is actually about a yard long and dead straight. So you see what I have to be put up with, my life is terrible. It's spent every morning when I get up I shower (if I bathe it floats around too much) dry it with the hair dryer, and plait or style it in some way or other, and have to wear baggy clothes otherwise you can see it if the tops be a little too tight, don't even mention swimming. What am I to do? I am too ashamed to ask any one, no man will want me. The only thing I am able to do is when I cut the hair, there is so much of it, I stuffed fluffy toys and cushions with it, which is rather strange, I mean.... Fluffy toys stuffed with so much underarm hair that they need deodorant. Along with my rather unusual name my parents gave me, which the kids at school used to call me TCP I have not much of a life. Please can you help? I am desperate Hairy Mary. Dearest hairy Mary, How near to my heart your sad, sad story is! I know on some level what you must be feeling as I have known the pain and heart ache of wearing my Dr.Schols and someone pointing out my hairy toes. I shall never forgive my husband for bellowing at the top of his voice �Marge. Is that a spider on your toe? Oh no it�s just hair.� The embarrassment was too much for me! I have looked into some options for you and shall list their drawbacks. Electrolysis � I sent the picture on the right to my friend Ethel�s beauty shop to see if they could help �� now I was informed by Marlene ( the beauty and blue rinse lady) that the national grid could not supply enough electricity to free those follicles��. She suggested to me for you to contact a �state penitentiary� in America to see if a quick buzz in the electric chair would help. Immac�I have tried this myself and followed the instructions as they were written. Now it worked for me lovely.(Only a minor scab and minimal scaring)But with you having an Under-arm that; looks like Tina Turner lives there, might need something a little stronger! So I suggest to you to try Caustic soda it removed old lino from the downstairs toilet, and that was stuck down with stale wee spills from the men in my house, so it should work on a huge mass of sweaty hair. I hope these suggestions have helped I know shaving can work but not everyone can afford a Black and Decker strimmer. Another suggestion and possibly the wisest that we could think of was that you move to Germany as the women there all have little hamster lookie-likies living in their armpits and the men love it. Hope I helped. your friend Marge. Dear Auntie Marge. The person I sit next to in work smells! What shall I do? Should I tell them outright or do you have a better way of handling this awkward situation? Yours �Worried they will think its me!!� Dearest �worried�, What a dreadful situation for you, my heart weeps for you. My sister-in-law (who�s name I will not mention to spare her blushes) suffers from acute body odour, and I have said to her �Enid Evans will you please wash, it is like sitting in a room of tear gas!� This I said in desperation after years of subtle hints. The best thing you could do which may well work is to go and buy this person a gift. Nothing expensive is needed just a can of �right guard� or a bar of �life-buoy� soap or ever popular �Mitchum� deodorant for �problem perspiration, it�s a gift with meaning. If this doesn�t work it may be time for desperate measures��.. When you walk past them or visa versa spay the air with air freshener or some of your Charlie perfume. Leave little notes on their desk telling them that they smell. Start spreading nasty gossip about the person. This will have one of two effects either the person will wise up and clean up or they will leave. Which ever happens people will know that it�s not you that smells!! I hope that my words of advice will be of help to you. Your friend, Marge. | This weeks problems. | ||||||||||||||||
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| email me with any comments or problems . |
Marge will try to update her page once or twice a week. She will try to answer most questions and all letters are genuine letters recieved. Put yourself in my hot seat!! | ||||||||||||||||
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